Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
vagina is talking i cant
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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