My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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