Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
