You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
