What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
