you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
