chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
