somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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