Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
