Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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