the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
