big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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