Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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