god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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