i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
