Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
