Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
