It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
