My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
