I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
