so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
