I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
