She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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