I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
