I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
