my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is the high leading the old right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
