I'm jealous of your bromance
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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