I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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