I like my sex mixed with concussions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
