So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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