im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
