The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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