She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
