I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
