Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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