I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
