I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
