its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
