arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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