Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There r osticjed everywhere
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
