I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
