I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
