i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
