I can tuck mytits in my pants
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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