Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
BRING THE BAGELS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
