ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
