don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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