the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
