dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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