My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
