Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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