I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
